Riding the Waves Guided Meditation
As a kid I often was labeled "sensitive." Unable to handle my emotions, I was the kid who would "ruin" neighborhood games of Capture the Flag because I started crying. I distinctly remember sensing that my emotions were too much for other people (even grown ups in my life) and being told that when I got older I would be able to handle my emotions better. Even now, I have someone in my life who sees all sensitivity as a negative trait and can barely stand to be around raw displays of emotion.
Of course, as we grow older we learn to manage our emotions in more socially appropriate ways, and hopefully we continue to learn and utilize tools for managing them in a healthy way. We, of course, also learn some maladaptive coping mechanisms–we hide our emotions from others, we stuff them down and try to hide them from ourselves.
In my twenties, I often felt scared that I wouldn't be able to handle hard things in my life, that I couldn't manage difficult situations that came my way. I felt like the weakest link, that I was always the one with the problem. A few years back I discovered the concept of Highly Sensitive Persons and more made sense for me in terms of myself and two of my children. As Glennon says, "I'm not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. I explain that now, when someone asks me why I cry so often, I say, 'For the same reason I laugh so often--because I'm paying attention.'"
Two years ago, I finally allowed myself to acknowledge some truths that I had known for quite some time. In 2020, I gave my anger the space that it needed and finally found the courage to speak up and make some changes. This year, I surrendered myself to a vast ocean of grief and found that it did not drown me.
Life can be brutal. Sometimes we question our path. The only thing I can say is acknowledge reality, exactly how you experience it. Suppressing it does not make it less true. I promise, there's a bottom to your emotions (taking anti-depressants helped me find mine). I'm rooting you on.